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it stops.

I guess that's really my sentiment towards high school at this point. I'm done; I don't need to pass go or collect $200; just let me make my presentation, take my APs, get my diploma, and get out. I'm still writing, still working along, still doing my homework: everything you expect a high school senior with three APs, WISE, and an offer of admission to an honors college to do. And I'm not about to trainwreck that by throwing up my hands and announcing "to hell with you!" I'm just not doing it with any motivation other than "do. not. fail."

In other words, it's March, and the burnout is already kicking in.

I took a little break from Poli Sci and presentation machinations to kick around some other plot ideas for later on, and to step back and give the whole thing a look through fresh eyes. There are lines I really like, and some that, well, serve their purpose. I still like my narrator and my characters, and I've solved some key problems. That all feels good. It'll feel better once I get the word count padded, but as I've said, that's something I can come back to.

[title blatantly stolen from "Someone Great" by LCD Soundsystem.]

This is really a cluster post for the past few days; I must've tried to write it six different times, and each time sucked worse than the last.

Which is also my sentiment towards Poli Sci at the moment! I'm at a weird juncture of needing to (a) pad my word count (which can be done a little later) and (b) feeling like I'm rushing my plot. It's meant to be fast paced, but my wonderful inner-editor is going "You're screwing this up!" In short, the freak outs keep coming ... at a time when I really need them not to.

On a much better front is the fight with the presentation. After several initial awful attempts with the pen scanner, I caved and went back to using the desktop one on the printer. Much easier time of it. Got a lot scanned in, and am making really good progress on the presentation itself. Putting it together makes me realize how absolutely crazy I sound to anyone who doesn't write.

I never realized how much a plot, even when it's all structured and figured out, can change while writing. Poli Sci originally focused a lot more on the Urchins and their whole underground world. Originally, the whole build to the climax had stuff going on with them and the government and it was all very neat; right now, that bulk of that subplot's been abandoned.

It's funny, because it wasn't really a conscious decision, so much as one that just came up mid-writing. Adelaide's character comes through in her voice; we don't need to see her running around being a leader of a group of nameless characters to boot. It's clutter. I'm confident now that I've got a strong plot-hole free plot that's interesting. Well, I mean it's interesting for me to write, so hopefully that translate to being interesting to read.

I've got a title for my presentation now,and have started to put it together. The actual powerpoint's little more than images and some reminders of things I should mention at some point, so once it's assembled, it's a matter of practicing the timing on said presentation. I've got some really cool stuff in there related to world building (why yes, I did draw a map of the country) and am looking into incorporating some sort of visual reference for what my writitng process actually looks like.

I know I definitely want to talk about the weird stuff that happens with the actual writing: the random recurring things, the plot fixes, the subplot drops, the fact that sometimes you plot something too dark and it kicks you in the stomach to write. They're the things I didn't expect to happen and, when they did, I needed to remind myself that I could (well ... can ... I'm still writing, technically) edit later. I also want to talk about how no matter how confident you can are in your plot and characters, when it actually comes time to write, there's still a chance you do it with an internal vote of no-confidence.

Current Music: "Lemonworld" - The National

Tonight, I found out that I got into the Honors College at Penn State, which has been a pretty major worry for me. I'm ecstatic, to say the least, and hope that this means I can finally buckle down and not scaffold my panic attacks.

Yes, I'm blatantly stealing from "West Wing" (and from Hipster West Wing on Tumblr), but right now I can't bring myself to care. I've got to be DONE with this thing in eighteen days, and for the second day in a row, I've barely been able to write. Am I panicked? You better believe it.

Unrelatedly, my friends have begun to appoint themselves surrogate family members of my characters (i.e. surrogate mommy). I think we've all gone round the bend.

Were it not for Simone being willing to listen to me prattle on, a free copy of the aforementioned "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," and "Blood" by the Middle East, I would be having a much bigger panic attack than I am.

Writing through writer's block is not only really really difficult, but it's nerve-wracking to boot. There's a fear that, because you feel off your game, your writing's off it's game. No matter how many times I construct and reconstruct sentences, hell, even whole paragraphs, there's a real anxiety to it. At this point, I've tried to suppress my inner editor a bit so I can at least finish getting my plot outline turned into plot. I've got mid-March into mid-April to edit, but at the same time, I don't want to set myself up with entire sections that need to be completely scrapped (if that's at all avoidable).

So, I really should be blogging about the influence Aaron Sorkin's had on my writing and all, given that it'd be appropriate with his just wining the Oscar and all (thank you, Tumblr, for letting me in on that) and my using my requisite West Wing icon, but that's not happening tonight. It might happen tomorrow or next week or whenever, but not tonight.

There will be a real post later on, but I have to get back to writing and not (a) get distracted by Tumblr, (b) get distracted fangirling over "Love Song for J. Alfred Prufrock, (c) make rambling blog posts with very little point.

( Read more... )
These are the first of the roughs for her AP Art concentration, and proof that we did actually get work done yesterday.

Current Music: "Scenic World" - Beirut

A little more on O'Brien, as well as a lot of other things.

The paper was written for 12AP in response to a prompt on Nine Stories and how it "opened my eyes." The only problem was that it hadn't. So, rather than write a long poorly-constructed lie, I decided to be honest. The following essay is what I handed in. It's got a lot of talk on my own philosophy, and some stuff I'm not exactly sure should be shared. Without a doubt, it's definitely the rawest thing I've ever written, and something I seriously considered editing before sharing here. Then I remembered that all of two people read this at most, and I basically have free reign. So! Proceed at your own risk.

( Read more... )

I'm doing another influences post, because otherwise I'm going to post a rant about things that are getting under my skin at the moment. They're unrelated to this afternoon, which was awesome and actually very productive (once Simone and I realized that we needed not to talk about art direction in video games).

( 'I can look at things I never looked at. I can attach faces to grief and love and pity and God. I can be brave.' - The Things They Carried, page 172 )

Current Music: "Scenic World" - Beirut

ADD writer + even more ADD illustrator + house with internet access + DVDs = well, I don't know.

Simone's coming over to work on the illustrations and I'm going to keep writing. Theoretically, this should end well. However, knowing us, there is a chance this degenerates into watching "The West Wing"/"Inception"/"Sunshine" or surfing Tumblr, aka the reason I'm fairly certain Simone has fallen into an internet coma.

On the upside, I found out more about war medics this morning.

I figured it might be interesting to go into some of the writers who've influenced me, directly or not. This is a sort of essay, so I'll hide it behind a cut.

( Rod Serling )

I got into that Tumblr zine I mentioned!

http://writeffect.tumblr.com/post/3401030584/political-science-work-in-progress#disqus_thread

I'm pretty excited; I was nervous about submitting, so this was a nice surprise.

Real post pending...

The quote is totally irrelevant, but the icon isn't. Today, after years of searching, I finally bought my 1940s Remington Typewriter. I found it in this tiny secondhand shop down in Bethany Beach, DE for forty bucks and after assuring myself that (a) it worked, (b) I could get ribbons for the thing, and (c) I was going to kick myself in the ass until the end of time if I didn't get it, I bit the bullet. I'm thrilled; I've always wanted a Remington. It's door number three with writer's block, in addition to being a very cool desk item.

Unfortunately, I can't take it in the house and try it right away as my dad isn't actually aware that I bought it, and would be less than thrilled to hear. Both he and my mom remember typing school papers on typewriters (though not Remingtons) and were glad to see them fall by the wayside. Whereas mom's attitude was "well, you've wanted it for so long, you might as well buy it now," dad will have a canary.

Still, YAY typewriter!

On a slightly more WISE-related note, I'm about to type up my (hopefully final) plans for my project to Mr. Murphy and then get back to working on Poli Sci, The except was officially received by the zine, so we'll see how that goes.

[ETA: According to what I've looked up, the typewriter dates from between May 1938 and April 1941. It was one of the last models before production stopped for the duration of WWII. Among its fans were Tennessee Williams and Roy Rogers. Given that, according to Fabbs, I basically am Maggie the Cat incarnate, I think it's pretty cool.]

Well, I just submitted a (VERY) short piece of Political Science to an online zine. I'm a little worried, as it's only the second time I've submitted my writing to something that isn't Gambit/On My Mind/Tusker Times. Worse that happens is I get rejected, and that's not the worst fate in the world.

I find out if I got into the Honors College at Penn State fairly soon; I'm more than a little worried about that. It's not going to make or break the deal, but I can't lie: I really really want in. The decision comes via snail mail, so no amount of OCD refreshing of the admissions page will do me any good.

Current Music: "The Funeral" - Band of Horses

Weird writing quirks:

-It's easier to write when I'm not home. Over the summer, I had originally planned to go down to the Barnes and Noble in Union Square and hang out in the cafe and write once a week. A whole mess of things happened that prevented that, including but not limited to the fact that my mom was (and is) deeply uncomfortable with me going into Manhattan alone. I can't really say I blame her; I mean, she's my mom. She's going to be leery about that, especially when she was working in New Jersey.

Obviously with what's happened, I've had to learn to adjust and work around the issue. I've picked up other ways to work around writer's block, and stolen some from other writers (thanks, Cat!). Still, much easier to write when I'm not where I spend the majority of my time.

-I switch between writing the old fashioned way and keyboarding, usually when I hit a bump with one medium or the other. I have two usual notebooks for it, though one is technically a sketchbook. Why two? Because I constantly misplace one. How I manage this in my house is beyond me; it's the world's least useful talent.

-If I write in a notebook, I avoid black ink or pencil.

-I like having visual references; I remember stumbling on pictures of Lodz, Poland and being like "Yes, that is EXACTLY what my city looks like." Simone is actually doing her AP Art concentration on stuff from Poli Sci and putting together the picture reference packet for her was the easiest thing I've done.

-I always have music on when I write. I'm not a kid who's ever done well with silence (or nap time or boredom, but those are different stories), so music's pretty much essential. I feel sort of odd about it, as it makes me feel like Stephenie Meyer, which for many many reasons, is a comparison I don't want to make.

Current Music: "Wake Up Your Saints" - The National

I'm on day four of being stuck, writing-wise. I've gotten what I have written so far edited, and am still sitting trying to work through it. I can't find the notebook I generally use for working through impasses (which is a weird enough quirk as it is), so I'm working on a legal pad. Still, four days is a lot of time and I'm starting to panic.

is a messy subject for me.

Academically, I think I'm ready. I can outline, take notes, write essays, and BS science reports; I developed the requisite weird sleeping schedule last year with APUSH, and the ability to pretend like I can manage my time (which is a lie because I assure you, I really can't). If you excuse my panic re: math and economics, I'm okay academically. I've had ample time to practice my skills and refine them. I mean, sure, I'm worried about a course load that's the equivalent of nothing-but-APs-and-in-half-the-time, but I'm also excited. I like challenges. I like proving people wrong.

I am stupidly madly in love with my school. I can't wait to meet new people and have a roommate and do college-y type things, like hang out in the HUB. I even learned how football works (or at least developed an idea thereof)! It'll be a welcome relief to be around new people, although it'll be strange not see my parents everyday. I'd add in my teachers and friends, but, given my current predicament, I don't see them in person that often anyway. I can't lie: I'm worried about homesickness and I'm worried about being out on my own, sans immediate lifeline of someone who knows me. But, I also know that my college, and the town around it, feel more like home than Somers ever has, and that the internet and cell phones were invented for a reason.

The awesome thing about WISE is that I get to really polish my writing and editing skills; there's no hiding here, and that's something I need. I've never really gotten to spend anytime on the creative side of the coin in school, and certainly not on Poli Sci (unless you count illicitly writing during class), so the opportunity to do that and focus on it is something I've wanted for a long time. There's also that time management piece, because, yeah, that needs some work.

Current Music: "The Funeral" - Band of Horses

I've been looking for a good quote to put at the start of the Poli Sci manuscript (if I even get to call it that…) for a while now. I had a bunch of contenders, but while really cool, none of them screamed "yes, yes, I belong there!" Don't get me wrong, Edward R. Murrow's line about not being "descended from fearful men" technically works (and is an awesome line), but it didn't have the … punch I wanted.

Digging through my quotes notebook, I came across part of Richard Siken's poem "Every morning the maple leave" and boom! I had my introductory bit:

"So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog
of non-definitive acts,
something other than the desperation."

I'll probably come back to why I picked this at some point; I just have to organize my thoughts on it better. No one likes a rambly blog post.

My experience with academic writing in the past week:

->Write honest eloquent paper that you are proud of, or at least as proud as you can get about an academic paper: be told you interpreted the work wrong and that your expressed views are small minded.

->Write crappy BS paper about topic that you only care about in relation to preparing for the AP; put no effort forth; barely remember to use commas and spellcheck; ignore your failure to draw a meaningful conclusion: be lavished with praise.

Sometimes, irony is not my friend.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
		1	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31

A mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam

And it keeps coming, and it keeps coming, and it keeps coming till the day

Car les probelmes ne viennent pas seul ... alors on danse

It'll take a better war ...

GOT THE WHOLE DAMN BAKERY, NEVER MIND THE COOKIE.

Icon is still appropriate.

The icon choice is very much intentional and appropriate.

Why, yes, I am procrastinating.

Simone is wicked talented.

Indirectly related to the previous post.

"He claimed the bugs were personally after his ass" or Influences: The Things They Carried

A recipe for success. Or disaster. We'll see.

"It's a cook book!" or Influences: Rod Serling

Hey, look!

"Walk tall, kick ass, and learn to speak Arabic..." - Hunter S. Thompson

[Insert witty subject line here.]

Where the lightning went through.

<--------------- About where I am right now.

College readiness...

Placeholders.

I'm really hoping creative writing is different from academic writing.

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March 2011

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